I hope everyone has recovered from last weeks wholly uncomfortable Taylor trainwreck last week. I was thinking we might kick off this week with a limo drive through the gates of a mental institution or maybe a shelter for battered women, but no such luck. Instead, we will start the way all deep emotional healing in Beverly Hills begins — at lunch.
Lisa has a nice, relaxing meal of appetizers planned for Skeletor, I mean Taylor. Taylor, who is so thrilled that Lisa is now friends with her, seems completely oblivious to the look of horror and pity tattooed all over Lisas face. She wants to tell Lisa all about ruining Brandis Malibu beach party, but she cant remember a thing! She was blotto! Taylor isntwearing eye make-up OR false eyelashes, so Lisa knows this is a cry for help. Taylor doesnt want help, though — she wants to bitch about Camille. Shes not her true friend! She felt so betrayed! Um, Taylor, Camille is not your problem. Anyway, Lisa is going to be taking Taylor to Las Vegas for Pandoras bachelorette party, as Kyle cant make it. Taylor deserves some fun, Lisa thinks. Yes, its a grand idea to take someone who has just confessed to being blackout drunk to Las Vegas. That always ends well!
Camille and Dedra drink white wine to blot out their memories of Brandis beach party. But then Brandi drops by! Well, maybe they can drink for other reasons, because this is a grand opportunity to talk about what a nutcase Taylor is.Brandi thinks Taylor behaved like Linda Blair in The Exorcist, though she doesnt know the name of the actress or the movie and just refers to it as the one with the girl whose head spun around. Yes, Brandi is quite the conversationalist. The important nugget of information in this scene is not that Brandi would probably suck at a game of charades, but thatAdrienne has invited Camille, Kim, Brandi and Dani to have a fun girls weekend at the Palms on the same weekend Lisa and Taylor will be in Las Vegas for Pandoras party. Yes, Adrienne is determined to get her fair share of free publicity even if it involves putting up with Dana, which is quite something.
But before she can head off to Vegas, Adrienne and Paul are going to be appearing on The Doctors. Paul did not eat breakfast and coerces some stagehand into fetching him some desserts. Then on the show, Paul prattles on about how multiple small meals are the key to staying healthy when you have a busy lifestyle. Meals like pastries and chocolate cake lollipops? Im glad Paul is a plastic surgeon and not, say, a cardiologist.
Just as Adrienne has business to take care of before Vegas, so does Lisa. And it involves shopping, which is so much more important than silly TV appearances. Lisa and Pandora shop for bridal gowns, and Lisa loves them all. But Pandora wants more diamonds and tacky pink roses splattered all over her dress. Lisa is fine with anything her little Pandy wants. Meanwhile,Giggy is either bored or dying on the coach at the bridal gown store. If he is dying, it may be from the embarrassment of wearing baby blue footie pajamas in public, poor thing.
The girls, divided into two separate teams, arrive in Vegas. Except for Kim. Kim is still moving. She hurt her neck! Its so hard! She just has so many boxes! Adrienne nods and makes sympathetic noises, then promptly hangs up the phone and suggests Kim is a big, stinking liar. Im with Adrienne. Kim should just confess that shes become agoraphobic or Ken has locked her in the basement or something, because we see about as much of her has Charlie on Charlies Angels.
In a side-by-side comparison of the insane luxury suits everyone gets, I give the advantage to the Hard Rock. The Palms just looks junky, sorry Adrienne.Lisa makes Taylor drink tea and tells her that someday shell be horribly depressed that her little girl is all grown up. Yes, that Lisa sure knows how to cheer up a crazy woman!
Back in Beverly Hills, Kyle is writing a book — but theyre already shooting the cover. Because we know the cover will be better than anything printed inside the damn thing. Kyle is so exhausted from writing all night! Sometimes shes writing at 2, 3 in the morning! Its fun, but its A LOT of pressure. Shut up, Kyle. Still, this photo shoot is VERY important to Kyle, and she wants her sister to be by her side so she can gloat about how fabulous she is and maybe whisper that she should have been cast as the girl in Return to Witch Mountain, so there. But, oddly enough, Kim isnt answering her phone. Kyle is so frustrated! She feels that this is a terrible step back in their bonding relationship! Plus she was going to make Kim hold her robe and slippers during the fashion shoot!
Back to Vegas. What follows is basically cutting back and forth between Taylor and Lisa and Adriennes gaggle of gals to determine whos having the more fabulous time. I would say any group that doesnt include Dana is probably having more fun. She has to tell everyone at the table with her that shes wearing a necklace made of 125 carats ofperfect diamonds! And its a friggin lollipop holder. Its for sale for a million dollars! Ah, so Dana is just plugging stuff for a kickback. Thats why shes so annoying!
But Dana is drowned out once Adrienne invites them into the kingpin suite, which has its own bowling alley. How fun! If anyone had worn flats! Anyway, the girls bowl. In high heels. And, in Brandis case, a boot. This would be an excellent way for Brandi to break her other foot. Camille thinks Brandi is fun to be around, and we will soon learn exactly what that means, but I wont spoil the surprise for you.
Time to visit Lisa and Taylor. Lisa wants everyone to know its Taylors birthday! Lisa is trying so hard to cheer up Taylor its almost painful to watch, but Taylor does seem happier — her lip injections are smiling. Meanwhile, Pandoras friends all look a little miserable to be stuck with two old bags who are stealing all their thunder, but lets face it, this is Lisas big day, not Pandys.
Back at the Palms, its girls night out! So, Adrienne and her tiny gaggle of friends bump and grind in a very small, exclusive spot on the dance floor where actual men cant get to them. Then,Brandi and Camille grind against one another. Brandi puts her hands on Camilles hips, and it starts looking like the opening scene in a Skinemax movie. No wonder Camille likes Brandi. From the way Camille tells it, Brandi may be more masculine than Kelsey Grammer anyway.
Meanwhile, Lisa, Pandora and Taylor are dragged onto the stage at Chippendales to engage in a fake Dating Game type contest in which they must give some mostly undressed guy a lap dance. Pandora, realizing her mother is watching, wiggles cheerfully and quickly sits down. Lisa, however, rubs her butt in some guys face and loses all of her English reserve.Taylor sort of hops up and down, so Lisa is named the winner. After spending much of the evening moaning about being the mother of the bride and how she didnt want to see sex toys or have any kind of bachelorette behavior inflicted on her, Lisa finally unleashes her inner skank and seems quite happy about it.
Kyle, who is preparing to host a white party, goes to Kathy Hiltons consignment store with Estella. Family plug! Estella picks out a dress thats painfully 80s, and after arranging to purchase said dress, Kyle walks outside of the store — and bumps into Kim! Kyle drags her back into the store like a prize turkey, even though Kim doesnt want to see Estella for some random reason. But none of that matters, because Kyle wants To Talk.
I thought this might be a case of Kyle lecturing Kim about being the worlds crappiest sister, but instead it turns into a tearful flip-out by Kim before Kyles said boo.Kim tells Kyle that her daughters Brooke and Kimberly are taking the move hard. Kim cries. Her daughters dont like her boyfriend Ken. Why cant everybody be happy for her? She cant eat! Shes been alone 18 years. Shes tired of being alone. Maybe Kyle can help her talk to her kids? She sobs. Kim crumples up like a snotty Kleenex. Kyle, who must be getting pretty good at handling lunatics between her sister and Taylor, tries to comfort Kim. She worries that Kim isnt eating (shes not). We now have two Skeletors on the show, fabulous. I guess its probably a good thing we havent seen much of Kim, because Kim is holding things together with spit and elementary school paste, and Im not sure turning a camera on the whole mess would have helped. But I think we can come to one conclusion – she needs to hire movers.
Oh my Lord of the Rings — next week, Kyle has her white party — and apparently has to uninvited Russell. AS HE SHOWS UP AT THE DOOR. WITH TAYLOR. So brace yourself for yet another uncomfortable episode of RHoBH!
Do you think Kims boyfriend is a bad influence? Which do you think was better — Adriennes party or Lisas party? Do you think Taylor really cant remember Brandis party?
Tags: Fun by Admin
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